Design dating profile

Posted by / 26-Mar-2020 13:32

So online dating — on a site, an app or three, or both — is a no-brainer.

It expands your dating pool exponentially, opens you up to new experiences and people, and pretty much the entirety of the single (and some of the not-so-single) population is doing it. When I launched my business two and a half years ago, I had no idea what the response would be like, so I charged for a complete makeover. This is your romantic life that we’re talking about.

Such is the life of an online dating profile ghostwriter.

Yes, you heard me — I craft other people’s online dating pages for Tinder, Ok Cupid, Our Time, you name it.

Relax them a little: they may be keeping you from your future wife (she’s 5’9, by the way, and dying to meet you). Who is that lone scoundrel who doesn’t enjoy ‘going out, but also staying in sometimes’? Cute girls with glasses, who you can talk about Netflix shows intelligently with. But you’re not going to find them by putting the word ‘sapiosexual’ in your profile.

Remember, the endgame here is to stick OUT from every other boring Tom, Dick, and Harry online. Sadly, when girls read words like ‘wanderlust’ in your bio, something chemical happens in their brains where they die of boredom. Cut out everything that’s too generic and that could safely apply to millions of people. Banging on about how you’re ‘sapiosexual’ suggests that you’re keen on f***ing a large brain in a jar.

Write down some things that you’ve experienced that set you apart from everybody else.

You even have a job, a tidy flat, and a hilarious cat named Mortimer.

You’re the whole package, and you don’t think you should have any trouble meeting women. You’re not getting any matches or messages, because you have the worst dating profile in the world.

Ask your friends what they found most surprising about you.

Did you nearly become a priest when you were younger? Are you the world’s foremost authority on Venus flytraps?

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It’s like tax season for accountants — only I work on romantic relationships rather than relationships with the IRS (for good reason). The dream of summer is a distant twinkle in your eye.

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