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My point is: you don’t know why these emotionally unavailable men are the way they are.
The best you can do is to look for signs that the man you’re in a relationship with or just starting to date may be one more on your long list of emotionally unavailable men.
He might be angry about a recent relationship (that’s understandable), but if he talks the same about one that was years ago, you have to wonder why he’s holding on to that resentment.
He may have experienced trauma that he bottled up over a lifetime, which can make being vulnerable again a challenge.
You may have initially been attracted to this guy’s self-confidence, but over time it’s turned into something else. I think the primary reason emotionally unavailable men can be self-centered is that they can control the conversation.
He constantly talks about his own concerns and rarely asks how you’re doing. And they don’t have to care about your shit if they control the dialogue.
He can share with you his insights without blaming or getting angry.
If you feel uncomfortable with the level of ire he responds with when you bring up past relationships, realize that he’s going to talk about Maybe when you first started dating, this man was all about you.
When something happens that you believe should have a significant emotional reaction (his dog died, his brother ran over his foot with the car, his roommate drank his beer), prod him gently for a reaction.